growing up

we’re on our way out of the baby stage.
and its kinda breaking my heart!
we have pretty solidly decided that we are done having babies,
but this last week has really rocked my world and made me question our decision.
i still feel like it is the right decision for us (it has taken me a very long time to get here),
but we’ve had some milestones met that have kind of rubbed it in my face 
that my babies aren’t really babies anymore.
they are growing up.
boo.
here’s what i mean:
even though i still have 3 kids in carseats (yes, even my 7 year old – she’s tiny), they can all buckle themselves.
they don’t need me to do it for them.
i had tears in my eyes at gymnastics class with the kids this week.
mommy ‘n’ me classes are over for silas and i.
he’s big enough to do it on his own.
i’ve had 7 years of mommy ‘n’ me classes and now i’ve been demoted.
*sniff*
silas took off his training wheels and is riding his bike on his own.
with crazy confidence.
he asked me, “mama, are you so proud of me?!”
all 3 kids are taking swim lessons.
both girls swam on their own for the first time today.
but i’m not in the water with them.
as much as i love not shivering along with them,
i feel lonely on the bench.
on the bench.
its like i’ve been benched and now just watch them grow up.
deep breath.
i’m not changing diapers anymore.
my wallet is happy, as is my sense of smell, but it marks yet another milestone.
a milestone that we will pass, and leave behind us.
never to be seen again.
i’ll be honest, some of these things are awesome.
but mostly, right now, it sucks.
-lindsey

Comments

  1. 1

    I just posted about this same topic today. About taking in these moments before they're gone. Summer must make us mamas wistful or something! :(

  2. 2
    Emily@decorchick says:

    Oh man this made me so sad!! I don't even want to think about it. My daughter will be turning 1 in July and that breaks my heart. She's grown so fast and it makes me sad too.

    I wish I had some encouraging words to lift you up, but I don't, I'll be honest. :(

  3. 3

    sigh…i feel your pain BIG TIME!!! my boys are 4 and think about growning too fast is on my mind everyday! how old is silas??? my logan is terrified of riding his bike. wow, he looks awesome on that bike, even smiling for the camera!!!

  4. 4
    Erin @ Two Story Cottage says:

    I know the feeling. It is something about summer I think that makes you reflect. I was just looking @ my sweet girl in her bathing suit – missing her chubby baby legs. Now they are long & lean. I can frenchbraid her hair. Last year it barely fit in a clip. It happened so fast. Too fast.

  5. 5
    aka-mama says:

    i love, love this post…my daughter will be 7 this summer and my son 3 1/2. i feel your pain and share in this excitment

  6. 6
    Becky Jean says:

    It is always great to read things like this and know that I am not alone.

  7. 7

    o my goodness this brought tears to my eyes. The pictures where/are so perfect. My oldest is 5 and youngest 1 with my sweet middle at 3. I know that no diapers while be wonderful but I also know that it will be sad sharing that time. It to me is truly the end of being a baby. Thank you for sharing.

  8. 8

    Oh, I feel your pain. This morning I was holding my youngest and trying to soak in what it feels like to have him glued to my chest. When he is a big hairy man we won't have snuggle time, and that makes me…happy because cuddling a grown up son would be creepy, but a little sad too because one day he will be a man.

  9. 9

    Oh it's all so bittersweet.
    This is so me, as I watch my last baby now 19 months, talking in amazing little sentences and trying to keep up with her 3 older siblings.
    I know she is our last, but some days (like you) I wonder…
    I feel for you Lindsey.
    Keep living in the moment and enjoying them just as they are, right now.

  10. 10
    Kristen says:

    I'm right there with you. My girls are 5 months and already doing things that amaze me. Rolling over, holding their bottles on their own, laughing. It makes me sad that I might not have more children….I want, but the thing is, does God have it in store for us. All with patience.

    Just keep taking pictures, videos and mental notes…enjoy!!!!

    Go Silas!!!

  11. 11
    Erin @ Frundy says:

    It's sort of bittersweet, I would think. You're gaining more freedom, but your losing those little babies. We're still not sure if we're going to have more, but are hoping to adopt. Children bring so much joy and happiness, it makes you wonder if you should just keep 'em comin'.
    P.S. I got my polka dot top a couple of years ago. Sorry, but glad you liked it!

  12. 12

    I think every mothers can relate to this post. Even though I still have one in diapers, with a vocabulary that nostly consists of grunts and barbarian like noises, he's becoming a full fledged toddler and I see his independence growing a little more each day. I'll be honest though, even with my eldest, who is 7, I get wistful and excited each time I see him transition from one stage to the next.

  13. 13

    I'll admit, I got a little teary reading your post today. I can already see it happening in my girls and they are only 2 & 4!

  14. 14

    I hear you! We're out of diapers, my third son is asking about taking off training wheels, my youngest is the only one in a baby car seat (law in MN says everyone 8 and under rides a booster), etc etc etc. I always noticed the first accomplishments with my first, but I'm noticing the lasts with my last. In February I hosted my last three-year-old birthday party. I cried when I used my last newborn diaper. Etc. It's a sickness, really.

  15. 15

    And that comment from Evan? Not really from Evan. He was logged in earlier and I didn't notice. :) It's really from me!

  16. 16

    You aren't really benched, you just don't have to play man on man anymore. It is more of a zone defense/offense which allows you to take more in and perhaps not be so exhausted at the end of it.

    yeah…nevermind…it still sucks!

    paige

  17. 17
    Lindsay says:

    They grow SO fast! :) Such a true statement!

  18. 18
    AMKreations says:

    I can totally relate! There is joy to be found in their independence though…and the fact that they can begin to learn on their own.

    You're still a vital, important part of their lives, so don't get too down on yourself…everyone needs someone cheering them on from the bench!

  19. 19
    Heather says:

    Gulp…. Thanks for your post – being a mama can be so bittersweet. My little one is 10 months and I am always looking forward to her "next stage". Your post reminded me to slow down and enjoy the moment because they are fleeting!

  20. 20

    What a precious post! Love the pics of your little guy. Have a great weekend.

  21. 21

    Another one who can feel your pain. My boys are 4, 6 & 8 and are growing up way too fast :( I had a rummage sale last week and sold the last of the baby stuff and have started to re-do the 4 yr olds room from a nursery to a Big Boy room :(

  22. 22
    Kristen Borland says:

    AHH! I know!

    But at least we still have diapers over here.

  23. 23
    Jeanette says:

    AWW. I feel your pain! My youngest is turning two soon. All the baby things are gradually getting put away, and he seems to be becoming independent much faster than the other two! We have tentatively decided that three is enough, although nothing is set in stone. I am the one still struggling with making it final. :(
    thanks for sharing your thoughts and lovely pics!

  24. 24
    Allison says:

    Oh my! He is SO STINKn' CUTE! You can see how excited he is to be riding that bike without training wheels.

  25. 25

    I am feeling the same feelings as my 2 oldest will be seniors in high school next year. I started to ball when I drove by the school and my son was parked in the senior parking lot. It happens soooo fast. :o(

  26. 26

    I know how you feel – but there is a light on the other side. My "babies" are now 20, 17 and 13 (all girls). My 20 year old will be a junior in college, my 17 (soon to be 18) will be a freshman in college and my 13 year old a freshman in high school-and while sometimes its sad how fast they've grown – it's great to be able to talk with them about so many things, go out for Starbucks and shop and laugh and laugh! So while one part of life leaves, another one appears– and it's great!

  27. 27
    naomemandeflores says:

    It's true, they grow up sooooo fast! Love the pics, he's adorable!

  28. 28
    Anonymous says:

    DON'T FORGET. SOMEDAY GRANDCHILDREN WILL COME ALONG, AND IT IS JUST AS GOOD THE 2ND TIME AROUND, ONLY NOT AS MUCH WORK. DAD

  29. 29

    He is just so adorable. I love that last picture!

    Love your blog! I found you from Cornflake.

    xo Marcie

  30. 30
    Amanda @ Serenity Now says:

    Don't know how I missed this post!! I've been eyeing my 2 1/2 year old lately and wishing I could just bottle her up or campaign for a new baby around here to snuggle. ;)

  31. 31
    jeanne @ Inspiring Ideas says:

    My little guy looks just like that! He's 3 and cruising away. So bittersweet!

  32. 32

    It is sad. My last of 4 is out of that baby stage too and starting preschool this coming school year. But we had a little surprise. I am pregnant again at 40 so we are starting over again. Unbelievable. But I can surely sympathize with you. It is so bittersweet.

  33. 33
    Christina says:

    Totally feel your pain!! I hope you guys come to a mutual resolution … that you are BOTH happy with! I want another kiddo so bad. We always said we would have three but our son was so difficult and dealing with his autism has been hard on both of us. I'm at a point where I'm totally ready for another and my hubby has continued to say no way, he's done! ACCKKK! As much as we complain about not having a life when they are babies, suddenly we realize we were okay with that b/c they were just so much fun! Oh well … next stage is just as great, right??? It's just happening TOO fast!!!!!!!

  34. 34
    Justine says:

    He is definitely cute! Your kids will always be your babies. My boyfriends mom still calls him her baby.

  35. 35
    goldego_26 says:

    Last week I cried too on my son's first day in school. Looking out the window and knowing I will be slowly filling in less stellar roles in his life leaves a lump in my throat. They grow up. And in our eyes they are still that swollen eyed peanut with flailing limbs and phenomenal lung power. They grow up, and I don't think any mother will ever be ready to slowly let their little babies go…

  36. 36
    Holly @ Roller Coaster Life says:

    tears flowing down my face.. we too have decided we are done at two kids…. of course mine are still "babies" Son turning 3 in August Daughter turning 1 in August, I am already being benched.. Cameron potties on his own, he eats on his own, he is doing all this stuff on his own! And the milestones we are having we will never see again! Really depresses me! although i do look forward to the happy wallet!!

  37. 37
    FROG PRINCESS says:

    I am in the same boat with you! My daughter will be 3 in september and my husband does not want any more kids. So next weekend I am having the biggest garage sale ever to get rid of all the baby girl clothes. I have not gotten rid of any of her stuff! When I marked the last tote, I cried and had a pain in my heart! Lilly even told me I could sell her pull-ups cause she did not need them at night any more! I totally feel your pain and no man will ever know the pain of knowing you will not be adding to your mommy title!

  38. 38
    Anonymous says:

    OH I feel your pain!! It does suck. Al and I have eight kids and our baby went to k this year and yes it is sad. I wish I could stop time so they wouldn't grow.Elma
    elma2179@yahoo.com

  39. 39
    Lisa Stone says:

    Whew. I have so much to say. I seem to be the only reader with grown up children. I still cry. And I still feel exactly like you described. When we saw Where The Wild Things Are, I cried like a baby. I remembered when we used to read it together all of the time. It isn't easy. But it can't be stopped. And so you cope and adjust. My two are 20 and 16. They are special young men. And so I try to soothe my soul with pride.

  40. 40

    Lindsey
    What a sweet post! I'm a mama that totally understands every word of your post.
    I have watched my babies grow up right before my very eyes.
    Now, my oldest is in college and the other two both in high school.
    I honestly cannot figure out WHERE ALL THE TIME went!
    Don't blink!
    Savor each sweet chaotic moment…..they are the memories that you'll each laugh about later.
    I love being with my kids (and always have). Now that they are really big…..it's hard to describe the relationship. I can't believe they are my kids. God is good!

  41. 41
    Darcy @ m3b says:

    *sniff sniff* Me too.

    I only have one who calls me "Mommy." Mostly, I'm "Hey, Mom… where's my ……?"

    :( + :) = :?

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