reality ramblings

so here i sit, my last night of summer.  we start school in the morning.  for those of you who don’t know, we attend a private classical school 2 days a week, with a fairly traditional classroom setting (but with only 14 kids per class) and home school the other 3 days a week.

so again, here i sit.  i am filled with mixed feelings of excitement and fear.  i don’t share much here about my homeschool experiences for so many reasons, the main one is probably because i don’t do it well and it really frustrates me.  i try to keep this a happy space, but i also want to be real.  i am also cautious about giving too much information about frustrations i have with my kids because this will one day be a record they could look back on.  not sure they ever would, but even so, its here.  but again, i want to be real.  and i always  appreciate having someone else to relate to, so that is why i even have the pull to talk about my homeschooling experiences here in this space.

i have serious balance issues – don’t we all?  but mine falls in finding the balance between educating and loving on my children, and growing my shop and business.  with the first i am struggling because i’m so tired (from staying up the night before working), and i am unprepared for the work i need to set before my kids, i don’t feel qualified to teach and take it out on them.  add to that one child who has a difficulty with paying attention and focusing and i become one angry mama.  not good.  and also, these are my kids, not just students, so they are very comfortable with me and whine and fuss and fight with each other and get time outs and all that fun stuff.  so by the end of the day, i am wiped out.  but this is where it gets bad (as if it weren’t bad already), when i am really frustrated with our day, i go to my computer.  because you guys don’t talk back to me.  you encourage me.  you say nice things to me.  you cause emails to pop up in my inbox that say wonderful things like “you’ve received a new order!”.  and that stuff makes me happy.  and that makes me sick.  when i have to choose between stress and arguing and frustration or sweetness and sales, i choose what makes me feel better.  i am thoughtless about what is best for my kids.  i often feel like i am doing good enough just having them home with me and not putting them in a classroom 5 days a week with 30 other students, especially when my one child would be lost in there with her issues.  but i am wrong.  i know i am wrong.  i know that this way of thinking has hindered my kids in schooling thus far and i’m sure has damaged aspects of our relationships.  i have had a hard time seeing the true value of what i am privileged to do.  don’t get me wrong – i can spout off all the wonderful things about the sort of education my children are (should be) getting, but i haven’t really internalized them enough that they really affect the way i teach or prioritize my time.

so after that confession, i am making a commitment.  i will be different.  i want to take our school’s mission and make it my own.  i want to believe what i say, not just say what i should believe.  a quote i have posted in our school room is one i want to hold fast to:  i want to help you to grow as beautiful as God meant you to be when He thought of you first. – george macdonald.  i am privileged to be in this position.  i know my kids will not stay this little and moldable forever (although it really seems like it right now).  i have been given a gift in this opportunity and i need to see it as that.  i need to see it as that daily.

there have been many times that i have felt like just dropping everything here, the blog and shop.  to just be mom/teacher.  financially, thats just not an option, so i need to figure this out.  maybe the other way would be the easy way out and maybe that’s not God’s plan for me.  either way, i am definitely being taught something through this.  exposing my character flaws in this has been difficult, not only exposing them here, but even to myself, to recognize them.

so i am setting goals for myself and my kids and my business.  i am going to be more focused and less willy-nilly about how i run my business.  how many times have i said i am not a business woman?!  all i want to do is design and create, but things don’t happen all on their own and there is so much more to the business side of things than i ever expected or can even handle.  i am going to delegate more and hold things more loosely in my hands.

i don’t want to be “super mom”, but i want to be a super mom.  i want to be great at being mom to my 3.  i want to feel prepared and on top of things and never behind the 8 ball.  i want my kids to have a more relaxed mom.  i am making memories for them now, forming for my girls what it is to be a mom, and i want them to see motherhood as a gift as well.  i need to show them that i see it that way.

so i will do my best to update you on how i am doing, share any scheduling tips i figure out along the way, and even share my pitfalls and frustrations.  thank you for making this a safe place for me.

Comments

  1. 1

    Ahhhhh! Lindsey! I was just having a meltdown 10 minutes ago about much of what you just wrote about. We are starting to homeschool Suzannah this year too, and I am very nervous. I want to be a super mom too, and yet feel so lacking. i love all your personal goals for this year and I’d like to make some of those mine too. I’ll say a prayer for you. Please say one for me too! Love you friend.

  2. 2

    Thanks for sharing. We all struggle with this, I think. Seems like you’re asking the right questions and praying the right prayers :)

  3. 3

    I think as moms we really do try to do it all and sometimes that means we physically and emotionally can’t do it all really well. I know I struggle with balance too, you are not alone. I’m sure I’m not the only one that can relate to everything you are feeling. Goal setting is my tactic for the year as well. Chin up! It’s gonna be a great year. Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way :-)

  4. 4

    Love your honesty! Love your George Macdonald quote! Know that you are not alone! Prayers to you and all us moms out there trying to balance one very full life!

  5. 5

    you’re beautiful. “don’t want to be ‘super mom’ but want to be a super mom” AMEN.
    me, too. i am praying for you and with you. thanks for being such an inspiration. xo
    best wishes for your fresh new school year. it’ll be amazing! praise jesus!

  6. 6

    I think we all struggle with this! So, so much. I feel pulled in a ton of different directions all of the time- and they are all “good” things. I’ve been praying that God will totally work out my schedule and prioritize these things for me, and this week He’s been whispering in my ear over and over “what are you working so hard for?” For my glory? For my purpose? What is your motivation, my daughter? And His gentle words seem to have to realign my heart on a daily basis as I tend to get lost in my own priorities instead of His. You are so not alone in this journey. I’m so glad we have him to turn to! :)

  7. 7

    Lindsey, may I ask why then traditional public school is not an option?

  8. 8

    Thanks for writing this. I always marvel at homeschool moms who also run a business- heck, any mom who runs a business and has kids!! We all struggle with alot of the feelings you have. I am just starting my business, not making much money yet and struggling with a lot of these same worries. I wish there was a forum (BlogFrog?) for us momtrepreneurs to ask questions relating to general business questions and support as moms. I hope you begin to feel balance and grace. :)

  9. 9

    precious lindsey, thank you for being so vulnerable…this could so be my story, minus the successful business. sadly, my balance issues or so less important…just obstacles i put before my babes and it is a work in progress. i am so encouraged by your heart to publicly proclaim your intentions, it so motivates my heart. please know you are not alone, so many mommas are in this boat…thank goodness jesus is at the wheel. let him steer and it will all work out love. praying for you…for refreshment and steadfastness, may this journey build deep rooted character for your littles because you dared to love them well.

  10. 10

    Oh my dear, first off I send you love. Your honesty is so brave and revealing. Coming to the end of my homeschooling days, (one in college, two in high school), I know first hand the struggles involved.

    I often found when I tried too hard to make everything perfect, I just made us all miserable. I understand your anguish. Prayers to you my dear, and thank you for your honesty, I have often wondered how you get it all done. Your personal insight and clarity are inspiring.

    Again, I send you love.

  11. 11

    Oh, I just love your honesty here. I think you have written what so many women go through in trying to balance work, homeschool/public school, home life and the proper discipline of our kids. I personally know that I don’t balance it well but do the best I can do. And boy, those negative thoughts that come into our hearts (im not a good mother, I can’t homeschool properly, etc) after a while can take a foothold in our hearts and we start to believe them.
    He will help you get through this .. I know that He will. Hang in there :)

  12. 12

    The fact that you worry about this and want to be better makes you a super mom. You have some lucky kiddos!

  13. 13

    oh, honey! you’re preaching to the choir! :) i don’t know a homeschool mom who *doesn’t* feel this way!
    some girlfriends and i went to the CHEA convention this year in pasadena and i have to say, i was VERY nervous that i was going to come home feeling even more frustrated and inadequate. i thought i’d hear about all the projects i’m not doing, that the curriculum i’m using isn’t the *best*, that we don’t school enough hours during the day, that i should be thinking about SATs and college and careers, etc, etc, etc.
    but guess what? i heard that my job is to teach my children to love the Lord. period. that’s it. there was NO mention of curriculum. every single workshop i went to and every single speaker said the same thing….at the end of this journey, it won’t matter how many hours/day you schooled or what text book you used or if you finished every single math lesson in that book, it only matters that your children RUN AFTER their Savior all their days.
    let’s just say, it put a few things into perspective.
    i so hope it encourages you, too. :)

  14. 14

    Your honesty is commendable. Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be
    Comforted. I too struggle with balance on an hourly- no wait, minutely basis. It’s all to easy to get sucked in and the clock just keeps on ticking away. Its no easy thing to share your own weaknesses and since you have done so, I know God will show you something- just keep your eyes on him – your sufficiency IN Him and He will see you through.
    Thank you for this post- in knowing I’m not the only one

  15. 15

    Hi, Lindsey. It sounds to me like you are doing a great job of seeking God as you seek to love those kids sacrificially and patiently. I was just thinking tonight about what a tremendous blessing it is to be home with my kids. My husband lost his job last May, and we are still searching for work for him. If I have to return to work, I’d love to work out of the home (I was a teacher for 9 years before kids), but who knows where God will take me as we go through this valley. I wept a little and hugged my 2 year old closer as I snuggled with him during bedtime prayers and thought about possibly not being a stay at home mom for his last couple of years before school takes him away. It gave me perspective on all my frustration toward my boys and impatience with them. Thank goodness God is more patient with me than I am with my children. Keep praying and seeking God, and that will be the firm foundation for you to continue to be a SUPER mom, that Proverbs 31 woman, for sure! Blessings!

  16. 16

    Your honesty is refreshing!

  17. 17

    “when i am really frustrated with our day, i go to my computer. because you guys don’t talk back to me. you encourage me. you say nice things to me. ” me too lindsey, me to..

    balancing home school with home, and work, and God, and family, and self…AHHHH, it’s so hard.

    and when i feel like i am failing {which is about every 10 minutes} i turn to “people” who stroke me, instead of turning to God and persevering through it with Him beside my kids. i need to make some commitments too.

    may God lead us both, and may we be obedient to follow.

  18. 18

    You are wonderful for sharing this. I bet many can relate to these thoughts on balance, I know I can. I, too, am looking into doing a school/homeschool similar to the one you may have mentioned, but I worry if I could do it well like I would want to. For some reason, I chase growing my business and bringing in a source of income for my family. I want to help, need to help actually, but I see that me wearing all these hats conficts with my relationship with my kiddos at times.

    I think you are right on track, in finding your balance, The fact that you want more scheduling and organization will pay off for you and your kiddos. Can’t wait to hear what you find along the way. Good luck! You can do it!

    -C

  19. 19

    I so appreciate your honesty, my friend! I just finished my 16th and last year of homeschooling as my youngest graduated.

    I tried to remember that public and private school teachers have difficult days too, sometimes, and when I was having one with either child I sent him to the principal (their dad). That extra authority helped on days when my usual discipline wasn’t working. Once their daddy came home from work and administered a little discipline, after that he only needed to talk with them over the phone.

    But I have to admit that the thing that really helped me was a book called Managers Of Their Home (from Titus2.com website). She has eight kids and homeschooled them all, and dealt with discipline and attitude problems, running her household, as well as balancing her homeschooling with writing books and running a website.

    I really do encourage you to take a look at that book, because it helped me so much and I only homeschooled two kids! But they were four years apart and I needed to learn how to manage one on one time with both of them, especially with a younger one who needed more of it as he wasn’t reading yet.

    Starting a new homeschool year is always full of fear and hope, and maybe a little guilt remembering the year before, lol! One thing she says is to allow yourself one week PER CHILD to adjust to a new school year.

  20. 21

    So, I don’t have children and I don’t think I would ever contemplate homeschooling (in the UK we don’t do it that often) but I admire you for running your business, a great blog, being a good mother and home schooling as well. I am sure that your children will look back on the years at home studying and will have enjoyed it so much. Cut yourself some slack Lindsey, the new year and starting afresh with anything is daunting. It will get better.

    Good luck.

    xx

  21. 22

    I totally understand what your going through. Personally, I have struggled with something similar and now know local school is for us. We live in a suburb and have a great school. (my husband and I both grew up in private and public schools and chose public for our family). We believe the school is our/my ministry, it is were I connect with the community and get to know our neighbors. Last year we were moving into the city to plant a church and I missed the cutoff for the school we wanted (in the city) so I chose to homeschool for a year. It was not for our family. Our home was a place of work and stress instead of rest and home. I became teacher instead of mom, and it was harder to bring out the mom side when school was done for the day. We did activities with other hs families and some were great, you could tell it was for their family, but others I wanted to shake and say “your not happy your kids arent happy -why are you doing this?” I know some people dont have the option, but for those who do have schools in their area and arent thriving in hs, they dont need to feel like they are failing if they stop hs.
    Personally we didnt sell our house and the church launched and is thriving, so we were able to stay put and enroll back in our school 2nd semester last year. My children are happier and our home is happier. Hope this helps

  22. 23

    Your transparency is a balm to my soul, as it helps to know I am not alone in some of my own frustrations. We’re not homeschooling yet but want to in a few years. I don’t run my own business: I work for someone else’s small company. I feel like I put in too many hours and spend too little time with my son, but when he is near to me, I sometimes tune out and plug into my internet community– it’s a familiar and warm place, free of temper tantrums and other demands. I look forward to reading some of your insights as you seek balance for your family while I continue to do the same.

  23. 24

    ahhh, I am RIGHT THERE with ya! I’m having a lot of the same feelings and fears about balancing it all with our coming school year. It’s so nice to know we’re not alone in this journey, even though many days we may feel like we’re alone. Hope you have a wonderfully blessed year!! Blessings, Kathy K.

  24. 25

    I love your line: “i have serious balance issues – don’t we all?” T hat is so true. I don’t have a business or home school (even part-time) my kids, and I still struggle with the balance thing. One of the things I am learning to do better is to enlist my kids’ help. That requires letting go of perfection because they won’t do it exactly the way I would, but it gets done. I am also learning to do things together. For a long time, I tried different chore charts and ways to get them to help with certain things. For example, I wanted them to clean their room while I cleaned up the kitchen. I am learning that much more is accomplished (in more ways than one) when we do things together. If I have them help me in the kitchen, we finish quickly and have time to talk about their day at the same time. Then I can help them clean their room. It just works better. Hang in there–you and your kids will figure it out. Use your creativity to rethink how you do things–it will all work out!

  25. 26

    i so hear you! really. i did not do a good job last year with our homeschooling. i’m so determined to have a way better year this year! someone already mentioned this book, but i want to second the ‘managers of their homes’. i read it about a month ago and started implementing things this past week. i cannot believe the difference i’ve felt and how much it helps. i mean, it’s not a magic potion or anything, and the writer is way more strict about certain things than i am, but so far it’s been so so good for me and our family.

  26. 27

    1. Getting that stuff out in the open, even if it’s on-screen is helpful…you have to do it.

    2. Even though it feels messy and ugly, those times that are angst-filled with the kiddos is actually helping them with their own conflict-resolution skills. They need to see you have frustration, yet somewhere on the other end you keep trying.

    3. You can make a decision about which way to shift your balance — and change your mind, anytime. Nothing is ever that permanent. It may be sticky to change, but if it’s what you need to do, do it.

    4. Sometimes, you have to make the decision that’s best for you…in order for it to ultimately be the best decision for your kiddos.

    As a former teacher, and a mom, my perspective on educating your kids is this: follow your instincts. As an educator, I want parents to be their kids’ biggest advocate. That way you make educated decisions about their schooling. Then, you don’t stop till you find the environment, teachers, school, etc. that fits. And you also keep the knowledge in the back of your pocket that it,too, can change. Like parenting, education matters can be pretty fluid the more you find out about your kids at each stage.

    Someone once told me that the overwhelmed feeling lots of us moms feel comes from mentally mourning the relationship, situation, etc. we thought we had, or thought we wanted.

    This is all of us being grown ups, I suppose. You’re doing the right thing by thinking your plans through and taking solace in the supports you have. Take care of you, and you will take care of your kids.

    You’re a rock star!

  27. 28

    I totally understand where you are coming from. I don’t currently homeschool, but I did for about a year and a half. I now just stay home with my 2 year old, and my 8 year goes to 3rd grade at a traditional school. I struggle daily with trying to be a good mother and a good example to my 2 girls, and I am ashamed to admit that I am not there yet. I have days where I feel like most terrible mother on the planet, but I certainly thank God for the days that I feel like I have done things right. Being a stay at home mom is the hardest thing I have ever done, and I’m not even running a home business. Some days I think just going to a 9-5 would be so much easier, but I know that these years won’t last forever, and I don’t want to look back with regret that I didn’t spend enough time with my children. Thanks for being so “real!” As women, I think being “real” is so important…we need to know that we are not alone in our struggles.

  28. 29
    Tiffany Nelson says:

    i don’t want to be “super mom”, but i want to be a super mom – soooo true, i think so many mothers feel this way. don’t get too down on yourself, somedays are just harder than others. and without rain there would be no rainbow :) good luck on your ‘new’ venture.

    • 30

      Lindsey, I really appreciate your openness. I’m not a mother yet, but I am a beginning crafter and look forward to becoming a mother in the (hopefully) not too distant future. My husband and I also hope to homeschool, as he was homeschooled all the way to college. I just had a few thoughts to encourage you: My mother-in-law will definitely tell you that she had days like you have, but now she sees that her three children have grown and learned under her (and the Lord’s) direction. It has been so encouraging for her. Also, my husband loved being homeschooled and now is very serious about setting that goal for his own family…if that isn’t a testament to the worth of his mother’s efforts, what is?

      Also, just as a woman and one who is learning so much about growth, I wanted to encourage you in the way you arrange your mind. When you say “I will be different”, you’re actually sending your mind a negative comand. Your brain cannot be different from the messages you are sending it. If you think only about what you do NOT want to do, your mind will think up on that and will still do it (hello, Romans 7:15). Instead of change, think upon growth; instead of different, think upon positive commands you can give your mind. Instead of looking backward, look forward and tell your mind what you desire to do, instead of what you do NOT want to do.

      I really hope you don’t mind my saying this, it is purely meant to be encouraging, I promise! I only say it because it is a HUGE lesson that I am learning right now. I’ve it noticed is helping me feel much less guilty about doing what I don’t want to do and being hopeful that I will, in the future, do those positive things that I want to do!

      I’m so glad you feel encouraged here! Thank the Lord for this wonderful outlet for women to have to connect to each other…He definitely made us that way! yay for community!! :)

  29. 31

    I could have written this post myself! We started homeschooling our (now 14 1/2 yo) son at the end of fourth grade (the public school he attended was a joke) and I thought I had it all under control. And I did because he was young. As he got older and started devoting more of his day to his passion of playing hockey, schooling fell by the wayside. And I let it. From there we schooled sporadically, as I thought it was great that he had the dedication he did for his sport and I figured our situation afforded him that luxury, so why not let him do it? And we would catch up later, right?
    Well, the more he went one way, I went the other and discovered blogs. Yikes. Big mistake!! As much as I love peeking into other’s lives, it became a major distraction and I used it in the way you do…when the going gets tough, the tough go blogging!! ;) At any rate, blog reading ignited a new type of interest in me…and it was brought up to me recently by my son. One day as I was voicing my frustration at our (chosen) situation – him at hockey all the time and being too tired for school and me letting it happen that way plus add to that the fact that we moved to a new state and it was more interesting to explore it for a bit than sit and do math and spelling- he said to me “Well, all you care about is if the house looks cute!” Woah!!
    Unfortunately, he was kind of correct. Cuteifying the house became what made me tick and even though we did some schooling here and there and he love, love, loves to read (and does so on his own every single day; he really likes to learn) I feel like I’ve failed him. Daily. So on that note, we are starting a new thing this school year and he is attending a co-op school in our area and will be getting his learn on!! :)
    I am a bit ashamed of what he is lacking as he heads in, but I have complete confidence in his ability to learn. After all, it’s not his fault things went the way they did…it’s mine. And I know this choice is what he needs. He doesn’t need my stumbling through high school math (I did that 22 years ago) and teaching him in my backwards fashion.
    Oops. I just noticed how long this comment is and I apologize. I planned to keep it short, but I don’t do that very well. Anyway, I believe what they say, that kids are very resilient and they’ll be just fine because I think that as homeschoolers, we get to teach them how to be people in the best way possible – by showing them love & support and giving them the attention and discipline that they crave from the people who love them most. Whatever our downfalls of the day our, I’m pretty sure our kids will forgive us that at the end of the day just as we forgive them their ‘bad’ days.
    :)

  30. 32

    Thank you for sharing this. I have been having these very same thoughts and feelings. So much so that I have even thought putting my kids in school this year. I know that thought is just a selfish one. I am really examining where I am at personally and trying to make changes to my life and attitude so that I too can create good memories with my kids instead of them always seeing me frustrated. I will get there one day. I probably will be the perfect mother/teacher the day my last kid leaves the house but I will get there :)

  31. 33

    Ah, guilt, I think it is my middle name:/ Almost every night I go to bed thinking “DID I DO ENOUGH TODAY?”. My biggest worry is that I am not present enough each day, even though I am here every single day. I rarely leave, Having a business has been so great our family, but I to never imagined how much work it is!! You have a great support group here. I think I need to get one besides my husband:) Chin up you are a great mom!

  32. 34

    I admire all the parents that homeschool. I honestly could not have done that. I had one child with very serious learning issues. HIs doctors told me it was my job to parent not to be his teacher. (He was also adopted)
    I know that there are subjects that would be taught that I didn’t know enough about to teach to my child.
    I have adult children that are teachers. I have worked in the school system. I see why some parents choose home schooling.
    At the same time, I don’t think it is for everyone. Esp. if there is stress involved. I hope that you find peace in your decision.

  33. 35

    Hugs to you my dear…we have all felt that way. I’m so glad I didn’t start blogging until my youngest was in 8th grade. I’m sure I would have felt the pull often. My kids us a program called self control where you can actually block yourself from sites for specified time period of your choosing…
    Not saying you should but it’s a good tool if you ever need it.

    Don’t be too hard on yourself…enjoy them because they leave really soon. The best homeschool memories I have are reading big long books to them at lunch or at bedtime.
    xo Jana

  34. 36

    I started reading blogs about 2 years ago and in that short time span I have found my self esteem slipping. I seem to feel like I can never do enough, be enough, and still keep a smile on my face. I think its the “blog effect”. While I read blogs I am amazed at how perfect the houses look, how wonderful the kids are dressed, and the great things people say. My house is always a mess. We don’t have a play room. I don’t have an office.I don’t have a craft room. But I do have two very cute, challenging but cute, boys. I have to remind myself that constantly. You do an amazing amount of work, homeschool, and household things. I am happy to get dressed every day and think of one fun and out of the house activity for my kids to do.

    We can not be it all. I have found that if I can focus on one thing to be better at, then I have a goal. Rather than be half good at everything I want to be really good at one thing, being a mom. That is my focus.

    Thank you fro writing this post, it helps those of us who think you are perfect feel a little more normal!!

    Amanda

  35. 37

    I am sooo glad you are sharing this! Today I made the announcement at my big girl job that as of the end of May 2012, I will be leaving and finally moving to where my husband has to be. I will most likely be home schooling out littlest the following fall. Our middle daughter believes she wants a regular/typical classroom setting and I will allow her to make the choice.
    I am eager to read what it is really like; the things that work and the things that don’t.
    It takes a lot to drop the phoney everything-is-rosey veil and really allow people to learn and share with you! thank you so much! For simply recongnizing and wanting to improve you are a SUPER MOM!

  36. 38

    Oh. My. Goodness. I hear you loud and clear sister! I am so torn between being there for my kids and doing my own thing. When my hubby comes home, he can tell what kind of day I’ve had based on my location in the house. Computer = coping/bad day. Kitchen= pretty okay/motivated day. With the kids = excellent day. Sadly the first is where I usually am, and oddly enough the computer time makes a bad day worse. :/
    I just blogged re: our decision to not homeschool. I hope you can find the balance, God knows I’m working to find mine.

    • 39

      Oh my goodness! I am totally seeing that I am the same (in terms of my location in the house when my husband gets home). NEVER would have caught that on my own. So true that it made me chuckle a bit, but it’s not funny. Definitely something to work on. Thanks Bree for bringing it to my attention. Very helpful! I think I’ll get off the computer now.

  37. 40

    Thank you for your honesty. I constantly struggle with balance and “mommy-guilt”. I am glad to know I am not alone.

  38. 41

    This probably wasn’t your intention, but I have a good feeling you’ll receive even more encouragement as a result of this post. I don’t say that in anything other than a voice of irony. I loved this very real, very raw post as one mother who does a lot wrong to another. We are all learning together, right? Anyway, from the outside looking in, you are a super mom. I know that none (or not many) of us know you in real life, but I find it refreshing sometimes to know that people *think* I have it all together. I get easily distracted from things that I know are important to me, making them seem pretty unimportant since I don’t spend a lot of daily time on them. The only things that help me are prayer and figuring out a way to focus on the truth of what’s important to you. For example, when I’m doing particularly badly in financial stuff, I listen to Dave Ramsey everyday. Maybe you could find your homeschooling Dave Ramsey equivalent (maybe a podcast?) and listen to it everyday to keep you motivated?

    Either way, I’ll add an extra prayer for you right now, before I forget. Big gushy mommy-to-other-mommy hugs!

    xoxo, HB

  39. 42

    Wow…how brave of you to share what so many others are feeling. I don’t have little ones and the pressure of balancing work with home, but I do share in the “I’m not enough” syndrome that we so often find ourselves in. I continue to be amazed each day how the blogging community comes together for support. Let’s try not to be perfect, but to do our best and remember to enjoy the process. Hugs.

  40. 43

    since i’m a homeschoo kid of 10+ yrs, i don’t have a lot of “mom” wisdom but i will say this…I’m scared to death of homeschooling my kids as well. each family is different & has different schooling styles & while I know I’ll be comfy in my own style, I can’t say that I’ll be able to take the mama drama aspect of it.
    all in all, you are doing a GREAT job, friend!

  41. 44

    Lindsay, I love your blog! and admire all the wonderful things you do. Your home is beautiful. But what is really great is that you are human.
    Why do you feel you need to homeschool? and if one child needs it can you homeschool one?. i don’t know, i am sure you will find the answers you need.
    I, along with many others look forward to seeing what you come up with next. Thank you for being so honest, i admire that the most.

  42. 45

    Thank you for making THIS a safe place for me! I check in every now and then – i’m not looking for DIY or crafting things so much – it’s the mom portion I like seeing. My two kids are young and staying home with them now is trying most days but i’m realizing the laundry and housework can wait. They need me to be a mom they can look up to and see something they will want to be in the future. They don’t need to see the stressed mom who piles and piles up the clean laundry and scrambles to make dinner every night. Seeing another mom with kids at home figuring it out helps me too. Thank you for sharing honest moments like this. Makes me feel okay :)

  43. 46

    Thank you for writing this. I an struggling so much being a working mom and traveling for work and going to school myself to be a good mom and make memories. Knowing I’m not alone makes me feel so much better. Looking forward to sharing ideas with you.

  44. 47

    how beautiful for you to share so openly. that’s so freeing, isn’t it?! i’m a homeschool mama too. and blogger. and business owner. to be honest with you, YOU are one mama that i looked at when i was thinking about starting a business last year and said, “hey! lindsey’s doing it, so can i!” you encouraged me and inspired me.

    a tidbit i just heard on homeschooling was to remember you are a parent FIRST. a parent that just happens to school her children. i don’t want to be a crabby mom either. i don’t want my kids to associate school with mom being a crab! i will pray for you, just as i praying for myself to find that balance too as my new business grows and changes.

    blessings to you on your first week!

    xo,
    alicia

  45. 48
    Katherine says:

    I was debating whether I should comment or not, but in the interest of “balance” and “keeping it real” I feel compelled to share my thoughts. As a professional educator, it truly made me sad to read your post.
    You say that you are “ unprepared for the work I need to set before my kids, I don’t feel qualified to teach” I think it should be stated that perhaps you ARE unqualified to teach. Teaching is a REAL PROFESSION, that requires real training. I may be overstepping here seeing as I am not aware of your qualifications. Perhaps you did take four years of college classes and preparation before you went through student teaching and mentorship – if so, I apologize. Perhaps you are specially trained on how to TEACH students of special needs.
    Just because people can balance a checkbook doesn’t make them qualified to run a bank. I think we all need to remember that just because you went though elementary, middle school, and high school – doesn’t mean you are qualified to teach it.
    Teachers are highly trained professionals who dedicate their lives to ensuring a top notch education for each student – all while taking into consideration each child’s special needs AND loving on them.

  46. 49

    Love reading your thoughts, Lindsey. Balance is hard for me too–and I’m not even running an amazing business like you are! But I like to blog, and to read, and do other things, and it IS much easier to turn on the computer than deal with whatever is actually happening in my house. I have a kid too who is SO easily distracted and YES, it makes me angry too and I’m FAR less patient than I should be. How much of this is because I’m too busy trying to escape my children? It’s so hard to keep perspective.

    ANYway, your kids are so sweet and you are doing a great job. It will always be a juggling act, this parenting and homeschooling and all that, BUT the great thing is that each day is a new day. Thanks for these wonderful and honest reminders! Miss you!

  47. 50

    We just started at a classical school two days a week and homeschooling 3 days. I was stressing over this decision night after night for the past year. It’s refreshing to read that other mommies are going through the same experiences. Hang in there-I look forward to reading more about your journey.

  48. 51

    I would so love to hear how this all goes for you. My daughter just turned 3 and I am seriuosly considering home schooling her. Our school system just changed our days and by they time they get on the bus, go to school and get off the bus, they have worked an actual work day for an adult. It’s ridiculous!!!
    I was thinking about private schooling as well. I am a complete virgin in all of this though so any tips would be wonderful.
    Good luck in mainting your wishes and dreams! And I’m sure no matter what your children will still have those awesome “mom” memories!

  49. 52

    Lindsey,
    I think that it takes a HUGE amount of bravery and humility to be able to admit flaws, or things that you’re struggling with. You truly are an inpsration in so many ways. I don’t think that it would be human to not want to escape our challenges, thankfully we have an awesome God that always forgives us! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, praying for a DIFFERENT year for you!
    xoxo

  50. 53

    Hi Lindsey,
    I just found your blog and I just have to comment and say that I’ve been feeling the exact same way! I have four children ages 6, 4 and the twins are 2. I’m also homeschooling and running an Etsy shop. Thank you so much for posting this and keeping it real. It’s nice to know that others are feeling the same way and that I’m not alone. It’s also nice to read some of the comments and suggestions given by your readers. Hang in there! You are doing great!

  51. 54

    Thanks so much for this real post!! I know I am reading it way after you wrote it, but I am thinking about homeschooling my kids next year and many of my fears you addressed in this post. I so enjoy your blog!

  52. 55

    Hi. I know this is 2 years later but this post resonated with me. I am here. I homeschool my 12 and 10 year old sons. I have to work and thank God He has given me favor to work from home. I love crafting and wish I could just create and earn money doing it. I purchased a domain name and started a blog on blogger but only posted a quick announcement because I want to switch to WordPress. I don’t know how to do that and what I should be paying for so I am in limbo. I usually juggle about 3 part-time jobs during the school year and may be taking on a 4th. They are not hard and they all fall in my Child Development background but they are time consuming. I have had a hard time balancing and our debt is very overwhelming but we are working on cutting it. Anyway I feel like this coming school year is going to be amazing, IF I DON’T SABBATOGE IT with my lack of planning and balancing. I said all that to say I am saying a prayer for you and hoping that things have gotten less overwhelming for you and I’m praying for myself and asking God to keep me on track.

    • 56
      lindsey says:

      hey pam!

      it sounds like you have so much on your plate! i hope this comes to you as an encouragement, but i feel like it does get better. as my kids have matured a bit, and i have settled into my role as teacher a bit more, we’re finding our rhythm. not all days, but more than we had in the past. and although i still can’t say that i’ve found balance, i’m still trying and i’m not nearly as frustrated daily. i hope this helps!

      xo

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