there’s been a lot of talk about my “mama heart” lately, with my family and friends.
let me rewind.
we dropped off gracie (my 10 year old) at camp on sunday. ’nuff said, right?
she’s going to the camp that i grew up going to, in my home town. its an amazing camp that i have so many great memories from. its actually where i first received Christ!
but its 2 weeks long.
TWO WEEKS LONG!!!
we’ve been away from her almost that long, but she’s never been away from us that long. she’s always been at home, with family. in her own bed. where we could skype with her.
so the talk of my “mama heart” has come up a number of times. lots of prayers for it. the stretching it will do. how its preparing for loosening my grip on her.
but on night #2 of her being gone, without being able to tuck her in, my mama heart hurts.
i know that she will have an amazing time. i know that these weeks will be ones of huge growth for her. but there’s something different between head knowledge and the heart. knowing something in my head doesn’t always translate directly the same to the heart.
i was panicking quite a bit the last few days before taking her to camp. i felt like it just was a bad idea to take her to camp, she wasn’t ready, its too long. i felt like it was my mother’s intuition kicking in telling me to protect my daughter.
but then someone with experience stepped in. someone who has experienced being the mama with a too-tight grasp on her kids. someone who let the fears take over. and she spoke Truth into me. she reminded me that those fears i was having were not my mother’s intuition, but satan tricking me: “I had all those fears when mine went to camp. Really. I wondered if it was mother’s intuition or the Big Fat Liar trying to make me fearful, and persuading me to hold on even tighter to my babies. It was the Liar. I’m glad he lost that tug-of-war on my mind, and that Truth prevailed…so are my kids. :)”
so yes, i’m freaking out. but i’m also praying more than i ever have. and silas and lily are as well. we were praying together in the car this morning and they just had the sweetest prayers for grace! totally heart melting, i wish i had recorded it for gracie to hear. she is a delight in our family and as sean keeps saying, a missing piece to our puzzle.
(she tucked a sweet note for each of us under our sheets before she left for camp!)
for now, i am thankful that the camp posts pictures of the kids’ daily activities. i may or may not have already checked the pictures about 15 times today. and will first thing in the morning tomorrow. and the next day.